yes, i -guess- am in love. mungkin itu adalah satu kalimat yg sedang menggambarkan perasaan gue akhir-akhir ini. kalo di post sebelumnya gue menyinggung mister rebel but sweet sebagai sesosok yg jauh dari gue, just a fling dan ga berminat untuk dijadikan sebagai pacar, for now i guess am in love with him.

cinta..love.. what is love? jujur hingga saat ini gue masih ga tau apa arti cinta yg sesungguhnya. dari semua cowo yg pernah menjabat status pacar gue, bs dibilang baru satu yg gue kasih statement "i love you" dan itu benar-benar dari lubuk hati gue krn terbukti hingga sekarang gue masih sayang sama dia meskipun bukan sebagai pacar tapi lbh sebagai sodara. mungkin buat sebagian orang "i love you" merupakan suatu hal yg wajar untuk diberikan terus-terusan tiap harinya, to their girlfriend or boyfriend, tapi apakah semua orang memiliki pandangan yg sama? jujur, gue bukanlah seseorang yg senang mengumbar kata love. sebelum gue yakin orang ini bener2 sayang dan tulus, the L word won't come out from my mouth. mungkin kesannya gue dingin bgt sama pacar sendiri aja ga pernah bilang i love you, tapi apakah kata love itu harus gue ucapkan ke setiap pacar gue? i won't lie either to him or myself. kalo gue emg ga cinta sama dia, ga bakal gue bilang cinta ke dia. mungkin sayang, tp bukan cinta. i'm not that kind of person who gets falling in love easily. gue sayang sm mantan-mantan gue, tp apakah gue cinta? belom tentu.

menurut gue, 

1. suka adalah rasa yg paling dangkal dari semua tingkatan. gue suka A, gue suka B tp cuma hari itu aja dan mungkin krn gue seneng liatnya aja. one step higher than suka adalah sayang. 

2. sayang tuh rasanya uda mulai peduli dgn keadaannya dan gue mulai menaruh hati istilahnya. bahkan kalo gue uda sayang sm seseorang, gue rela berkorban demi dia. misalkan nih gue ga terlalu demen makan di warung kaki lima tp orang yg gue sayang seneng bgt dan kepengen bgt makan disitu. berkorbanlah gue makan di warung kaki lima meskipun harus menahan rasa ga suka gue, asalkan yg gue sayang tuh seneng.

3. this is the highest position of all, cinta. satu kata yg cuma gue umbarkan ke piaraan gue (even my parents don't get this word haha). bagi gue, cinta itu sudah pasti sayang tp sayang belom tentu cinta. perasaan paling tulus. gue rela melakukan apa saja asalkan gue bisa liat orang yg gue cintai tuh seneng terus. kalo dia sedih, gue rela dengerin keluh-kesahnya dan bener-bener berusaha bikin dia seneng lg. mungkin harusnya lebih keren lg cara gue describing word of love, tp kalo gue ditanya knp gue bisa cinta sm dia? jawabannya uda pasti bukan abcde tp i don't know, all i know is i love him. (duileeeeh bahasa gue nista nian hahaha).

nah buat mister rebel but sweet, i guess i am in love with you. not for who are you, but for who you are. knp bisa gini? gue sendiri jg ga tau. you are, definitely, the first guy yg totally rebel and kinda jerk (sorry hehe) yg gue sayang. aih aih aih habis ini gue wajib tobat beneran... makin gila deh gue lama-lama..

mau nonton gosip aja, biar pikiran ga dipenuhin sama lo lg hahahahahahaha...

eh eh gue punya cerita bagus loh, yg gue copas dr junior gue lagi (thx fiona). gue heran deh ini anak kok bisa nemu banyak cerita bagus ya? ngapain aja coba mereka kerjaannya? hahaha

here comes the story:

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

nilai yg dapat kita ambil dari cerita diatas? if you really in love, go and tell the person you loved if you love him/her. tapi apa yg akan gue lakukan? bukan bilang "hey! gue suka sama lo loh." tp gue janji gue akan lebih peka biar dia ga usa ribet lg hehe. gila aja kalo gue bilang itu beneran, yg ada dia kabur dan mikir gue uda gila hahaha..

wih uda lama aja ya gue ga ngepost. sorry banget, i'm sick lately dan tiap kali mau ngepost gue bingung apa yang mau diceritain karena terlalu banyak yg mau diceritain hehe.. yah sebenarnya sih inti ceritanya adalah gue sakit. sakit apa gue ga tau. awalnya suara serek-serek sexy tapi tiba-tiba suara kok makin ilang yah? mana gue harus sosialisasi ftb games, regis ulang pemain, technical meeting segala makin panik lah gue (maklum anak acara haha). yauda dengan segala suara yg tersisa kupaksakan untuk berbicara pdhl kalo gue smart enough i wouldn't dare to speak any words! jd intinya gue bego, extremely stupid. naaaaah bukan cm ga bisa ngomong tp lama-lama kok gue ga bisa tidur gara-gara batuk terus ya? menggigil terus pula padahal ac kamar gue uda 24C. nyerah beneran deh dan gue minta dianterin ke rumah sakit sm ortu. dokternya gila jg, katanya "oh ini sih cm radang aja, istirahat 3 hari jg sembuh". WHAT?! padahal hari ini gue harusnya LAB kidas dan besok ada KUIS LAB pula. sumpah deh panik beneran dan nyokap cm bilang "kalo lab nomer 1, kamu harusnya istirahat dulu biar minggu depan bs ikut drpd kamu besok paksain ikut yg ada minggu depan ga ikut semuanya kamu pilih yg mana?" yauda deh gue menyerah dan stay at home (aku kan pgn nya stay at kosan T.T)

oh oh gue jd inget hari senin kemarin gue ngobrol-ngobrol sama Chaidir (baca: kodir) dan yah kita saling cerita-cerita gitu. perlu diingat, kodir adalah mantannya sahabat gue yg gue percaya buat dengerin cerita-cerita gue even yg gue ga berani ceritain ke sahabat gue (sorry ngo). dia sendiri jg cerita-cerita tentang masalahnya and so did i. and we came into one conclusion: gue harus bisa lbh peka dalam menangkap sinyal-sinyal yg dikasih sama mister rebel but sweet dan dia harus bisa move on even though it hurts cause i never said it wil be easy (pakar dalam masalah diselingkuhin haha).

kayanya gue makin sakit krn gue sakit hati deh. sama siapa nas? sama siapa lagi, seluruh dunia jg tau kalo lagunya vierra yg perih lg soundtrack of my life for now. mau gue happy-happy tentang mister rebel but sweet itu tp tetep feeling cannot lie. geez, i'm still living in my past! okay moving forward mode: on. all messages have been deleted, all photos have been deleted, tickets of a place have been stayed in my drawer. guess i need my sister to burn it. iya iya jd ceritanya kemaren stlh technical meeting gue melihat satu kejadian yg sebenarnya gue uda tau lama dan sering terjadi lately. anehnya kalo cuma denger gue sih biasa aja tp begitu melihat dengan mata kepala gue sendiri, JENG JENG JENG JENG satu panah dan satu pisau nembus. bagus sih karena dulu berjuta-juta anak panah dan bermilyar-milyar pisau nembus skrg cm satu yg berhasil nembus. tapi tetep masih ada yg berhasil nembus. yauda sih akhirnya gue acting sok cool gt dan ngajak vanno buat balik bareng. untung uda ga ada anak2 ftb lg jadi ga heboh, pdhl cm balik bareng karena satu kosan harusnya ga seheboh itu kan? hahaha. trs trs di jalan waktu balik, gue vanno dan adhit ngobrolin satu hal yg mengikat kita menjadi satu yaitu: MOUSEHUNT! yoi..emg the best itu games! hahaha.

tapiii apakah ada yg sudah berhasil menebak who is my mister rebel but sweet? baru adhit sm vita nih yg tau (di ftb), semoga aja tetap mereka saja yg tau haha. itu mereka ngeh-nya jg krn mereka denger gue ngomong nama aslinya si mister rebel but sweet accidentally. wajar kan kalo mereka sadar? hahaha. cuma cuma gue kok merasa ada yg sedikit berbeda dr dia ya? yesterday gue kan emg kinda bad mood gt, yg ternyata krn sakit sialan ini, trs dia peduli gt. i was supposed to be happy kan? tp knp gue malah makin bete ya? hmm.. tuh kan mendadak kepikiran lg sama kata-katanya kodir "oh itu sih uda pasti suka sama lo sia, lo pancing-pancing dia aja".. pancing? emg ikan dipancing? hahaha.

if feeling doesn't exist in this world, life would be much easier. ato mungkin yg lebih tepatnya if love doesn't exist in my life and i don't have to feel love, living my life would be much much easier..

idih sumpah gila gue jadi addicted gini sama yg namanya MOUSEHUNT. ga tau kenapa dari awal melihat anak-anak mainin ini, penasaranlah gue apalagi mereka pake bahasa aneh bin ajaib yg bikin gue jadi makin penasaran hahhaha. and there's a new progress. i made it to the APPRENTICE title! yaay! tapi hbs itu mousehunt-nya maintenance gara-gara ronza mau landed. do you know what ronza is? well, she's a traveler yg hobinya ngoleksi benda-benda antik yg dibutuhkan oleh para hunter (baca: gue) buat bikin trap yg gunanya untuk menjaring tikus-tikus aneh nan unik bin lucu. harganya gue pikir 30,000 gold ternyata setelah gue datengin 150,000 gold ke atas! lsg mati lemes tak berdaya aja waktu baca harganya.. obed, vento, kumohon belas kasihan anda sekalian untuk membagi gold-nya.. am desperately need it :'(

enough about mousehunt. let's talk about today's activities. krn gue sedang mengidap penyakit musiman yaitu sore throat, yg kalo dikebanyakan org masi dianggap cemen, buat gue itu ga cemen! panik cuy sabtu bsk gue ada little gig, masa ga bisa nyanyi? semalem uda coba-coba nyayi tp sumpah tenggorokan gue menyayat bgt. mau ngomong aja sakit gilak. suhu badan menjadi anget-anget sekoteng, ditambah headache that really kills me. puas bgt deh seharian kerjaannya tiduran di kasur smbl -tetep- main mousehunt.

cumaaa yg bikin beda, hari ini gue main mousehunt-nya ditemenin sm cowo-cowo ganteng hahaha. kalo ga percaya gue tunjukin nih foto cowo-cowo gantengnya uhuy!

uda percaya kan cowonya lucu nan imut bin ganteng? padahal gue kan dengerin yaa bukan nonton videonya. bego ah gue hahahha. and selain the strokes and avenged sevenfold and saosin, i am sooooo much in love with british rock bands. ga tau kenapa, mau tipe garage band ato heavy metal ato apapun jenisnya, gue tetep cinta mati sama mereka! salahkan muka mereka yg adorable nan handsome hahahahaha.

terus apalagi yaa? oiaa si mister REBEL but SWEET bikin gue kangen loh.. i miss you a lot dear mister rebel but sweet.. kira-kira besok ketemu ga ya? hahahaa


uda ah mau ngerjain tugas mppi: KARTUL dgn 4-8 SUMBER PRIMER (dpt darimanaaaa?) berupa PENDAHULUAN + 1-2 TOPIK YG DIBAHAS. dasar bu gindawan.. aargh!!

gara-gara omongannnya si bantet, jadi kepikiran beneran deh. jangan-jangan gue suka beneran sama mister rebel but sweet itu. apalagi setelah kejadian tadi, yg gue menari-nari dgn riang di locker room dan dilihatin oleh banyak wanita-wanita dr berbagai jenis usia (kayanya gue dikira uda sinting ato gila ato edan krn hbs liat hp trs nari-nari kaya menang lotere a billion poundsterling hahahahha).

oiaa tadi gue, anastasia the-lazy-and-do-no-sports-girl, ke gym loh! hal ini terjadi krn gue shock melihat tubuh gue yg makin kaya babi dr hari ke hari. dan oh-la-la gue mendapat seorang personal trainer yg bernama mas nano. lo semua tau kan seberapa takut dan keselnya gue melihat cowo yg bertubuh kekar. sumpah td kalo dijadiin kartun, muka gue uda pucat pasi bgt dgn mulut berbentuk "o" yg intinya kaget setengah mati! (lebay mode: on). eh waktu si mas nano ngomong, agak halus aja dong. OH MY GOD! makin panik gue. tp yaudalah, paksakan diri aja demi badan kembali ke bentuk normal. tp ada satu kebodohan gue (jgn-jgn gue beneran bego, hampir tiap post gue bilang kebodohan terus), gue LUPA sarapan sblm fitness (istilahnya mas nano, krn gym lbh cocok buat senam lantai blablabla). yauda deh gue paksain diri cardio as warming up method selama 12 mnt berlanjut dgn segala macam latihan yg menguras energi dan membuat gue merasakan yg namanya neraka dunia. kalo bukan krn ingatan badan babi, gue uda mohon-mohon sm mas nano buat selesein satu session aja (td gue dgn high confident took 2 sessions, kebodohan gue entah yg keberapa). akhirnyaaa si mas nano ada meeting (keren kan personal trainer gue, uda kaya manager aja hahhaa) jd latiannya selesai. tapii not that quick babe, gue wajib bakar 200 calories on cardio. terserah mau gimana caranya, mau lari cepet ato jogging ato jalan biasa ato ngerangkak, pokoknya 200 calories harus selesai! yauda deh gue kerjain aja tuh, uda mau curang dikit eh si mas nanonya balik aja liatin kerjaan gue. damn! hasil?? after two exhausting sessions, gue tewas di sauna room. yup, sauna yg panasnya minta ampun itu. awalnya cm mau 10 menit aja, trs saking capenya gue ketiduran aja dan waktu kebangun sand-clock nya uda habis aja. badan gue basahnya minta ampun ditambah lg waktu gue keluar, muka gue MERAH like a STEAMED CRAB! sumpaah ga lagi deh tidur di ruang sauna, kapok gilak!

cerita ga ya yg kejadian si mister rebel but sweet itu? pengen cerita tapi ntar ketauan sm temen-temen gue, kan aku pemalu hahahhaha. oiaa baru inget, progress i made in mousehunt: 98% novice. dua persen lg loh gue jadi apprentice! yaay! lumayan lima hari teposin pantat demi naik level hahahhaa. trs trs ronza besok dateng! mau tau ronza apaan? cari tau sendiri aja yaa di mousehunt-wiki hahaha.

terus terus terus .. aku pokoknya seneng banget hari ini! thanks to mister rebel but sweet to lighten up my mood :), you really made my day muah muah muah! (sooner or later i'm about to become a freako weirdo)

lanjut main mousehunt lagi yaaak ..!!


tp sebelumnya ada lagu yg gue dengerin daritadi loh. gita gutawa sm maia yg nyanyi, judulnya MAU TAPI MALU.. gue banget sih hahahha


kau yang di sana siapa dirinya
buatku terpana
kesan pertama sungguh mempesona
ingin mengenalnya
di kepalaku ada suka yang menggila
sudikah kamu mengenalku mendekati aku


aku mau tapi malu
ku suka matamu, hidungmu, wajahmu
dan aku mau untuk jadi milikku
aku mau tapi malu
ku suka gayamu, tingkahmu, senyummu
tapi ku malu tuk katakan padanya


aku yang selalu punya sejuta cara
cara tuk merayu
tapi yang terjadi aku seperti ini
ku bingung sendiri
di kepalaku ada suka yang menggila
sudikah kamu mengenalku mendekati aku


aku mau tapi malu
ku suka matamu, hidungmu, wajahmu
dan aku mau untuk jadi milikku
aku mau tapi malu
ku suka gayamu, tingkahmu, senyummu
tapi ku malu tuk katakan padanya


aku suka, aku mau, tapi sungguh aku malu
aku diam, aku bingung, aku harus bagaimana
oh Tuhanku, tolong aku, mengapa ku jadi mau
ku tak tahu kenapa ku tiba-tiba jadi malu
ku tak tahu, tak tahu, tak tahu
ku tak tahu, tak tahu

kocak ah lagunya, kalo gitu mau main mousehunt smbl cari videonya di youtube hahahahaa

ada yg bisa nebak lirik lagu dibawah ga? kalo bisa ntar gue kasih hadiah deh hohoho

can you guess the song? beneran deh, kalo bisa nebak ntar gue kasih hadiah yaitu CAMPBELL BOOK OF BIOLOGY hahahhaha

okay, that's it! i had it enough.. every time people asking me where do i go? what should i answer? biotechnology of course. but... what if they keep asking "what is biotechnology?" should i tell them everything about it (cause i had introduction to biotechnology) or leave them or give them rough point? take some examples

CASE 1

someone: hey, where do you go to?

me: biotechnology

someone: what is it?

me: it's something to deal with biology and technology

someone: ... *krik krik krik*

CASE 2

someone: hey, what are you studying now?

me: biotechnology

someone: what is it?

me: do you know about cloning, tissue culture, and gmo?

someone: ... nope

me: (WHERE IN THE WORLD DO YOU LIVE IN?!)

CASE 3

someone: what is biotechnology?

me: well, *clearing throat* it has two types of biotechnology. first is conventional and the other is modern biotechnology... bla bla bla bla (explain the whole story)

CASE 4

someone: where do you go to?

me: biotechnology

someone: damn! you're freaking SMART!

me: thanks :)))))))))

well, if you were me. people keep asking you what is it which responds do you love? if you're smart enough you'll choose case 3. but you'll be considered as a FREAK. how's with case 2? for this case, i give them the rough points about biotech and its their faults to not aware everything hahaha. i mean where the hell have you been? cloning, tissue culture, stem cells and gmo are so common now. do you about dolly the cloning sheep? or CC the carbon cat? do you even know if there is a study under parkinson's desease? these stuffs are very common in america and europe countries. in asia, thailand is best known for the durian monthong and it is one of the genetic modified food (gmf).. i made the case 1 because that's what i told to my close friends all the time haha. case 4 is what older people who smart enough to read would tell you :)

about the blog title: one often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it..

it's more like a reflection to my life. people often doesn't get what they always wanted and that's the basic point for me took the words to be the main title.

if you're following my story, you will see i never always get what i want. things happened randomly and often something i never expected. take an example. me, wanted to become a doctor but turned out i got in biotechnology. become a doctor seems like not my destiny. actually there are plenty coincides that led to my destiny which i wasn't expected. people said: you could try harder even your hardest but in the end you have to accept your destiny. but others said: you created your own destiny, if you want it then you have to go for it. did you notice there are two perspectives? yup, the first one is the pessimistic and the second is the optimistic. based on my life experience, think i'll take the first one. maybe i'll take the second perspective after i graduate as a bachelor of science :)

geez, i had a very weird dream last night. or nightmare actually. i went back to my junior high! it's the worst nightmare ever! not being a drama queen, but my life in junior high wasn't as happy as high school. it's dark, gloomy, the worst thing that ever happened in every girls' life. don't wanna talk about it. don't wanna think about it. don't ask why, i just don't.


oh and new priorities:
1. finish school immediately. stop party keep jamming haha
2. saving money for new year (but i just bought 2 shoes --")
3. DIET! have pig's body now (T.T)

lately i love taking and searching for pictures, mostly romantic-sunset pictures. i know i'm not that into romantic stuffs, but everytime i see movies such as the ugly truth, i want to have moments like that. for instant i want to have a scene on the beach, maybe strolling together along the beach..

so sweet huh? it doesn't have to be in bali or anyer, ancol could be great as long as we're together (kaya uda punya pacar aja haha)

but i also have these dream boys:

please don't ask why i could fall in love with him. just don't. he's singing, he's dancing, he's acting. i know if he fitness but he doesn't always show it off, does he? just crazily in love with him specially on full house. aaa love you so muah muah muah (insane mode: on)

which girl doesn't fell in love with him after hearing i'm yours? definitely not me :). he's singing and compose songs. he's handsome and has something that interest me. well you completely done done me mraz!

it's a total lie if i said "no, i'm not in love with him." cause i crazily wanting him since elementary! from ada apa dengan cinta? movie to janji joni movie, i have watched all of his movies and it's all great! geez, how come there's a man so almost perfect like him? can i have him to be mine? (crazy mode: on)

he's a young musician in jazz, british, play piano and attractive. should i say more? fufufu..

he's the frontman of arctic monkey, one of my favourite bands. not to mention he's also alexa chung's boyfriend (confession: alexa chung's style admirer). he plays guitar and sings. he's a musician! gosh, i love musician a lot!

damn, it's already 11:19 pm. yet still love to searching for more pictures :)

btw, did you notice the difference on my new blog layout? took three hours to do the make-over and i already fell in love with it. it's white and blue, kinda navy, but it's my work. gotta love it haha.

crazy mode: off

insane mode: off

sleepy mode: on

call me freak, but i found it's interesting to see these pictures

actually there are more of them in my laptop, but these pictures definitely make me become a freako weirdo :(

masih pada inget ga dgn insiden taylor swift - kanye west di vma 2009? it was sensational even obama gave his comment to kanye's act. trs gue kan penasaran tuh sejelek apa sih lagunya taylor swift hingga kanye dgn begonya bilang beyonce much deserved the moonman. so i listened again to the song, read the lyrics and realized taylor could win because of her lyrics are so ordinary. bs deskripsiin perasaan most teenagers shg dia memiliki kesan ramah dan dekat dgn fans-fansnya. every things she did, she posted it via twitter and myspace so her fans could reach her everytime they want to. menurut gue itu adalah salah satu kelebihan dr taylor yg bisa bikin dia ngalahin beyonce.

then for the lyrics itself, entah gue lg kena cupid's arrow or being poisoned, gue jd ikutan seneng dan merasa terwakilkan hahhaa. am i really into him now? tapi mau single dulu aja, tanggung semester ini bentar lg slese. semester 4-5 jg kalo bisa sih single dulu, kebanyakan jadwal praktikum (kaya uda yakin bs ambil itu semua lab haha). tp setelah dipikir-pikir berarti semester 6 gue baru mulai back on the market dong? ah yauda sih, kalo emg dia jodoh gue, ga bakal kemana kok haha..

You're on the phone with your girlfriend

shes upset.

Shes going off about something that you said

'Cuz she doesn't, get your humor like I do...

I'm in the room

It's a typical Tuesday night

I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like

and she'll never know your story like i do

But she wears short skirts

I wear T-shirts

She's cheer captain

And I'm on the bleachers

Dreaming about the day when you wake up

And find what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

been here all along so why can't you see, you

You belong with me

You belong with me

Walkin' the streets with you and your worn-out jeans

I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be

Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself

Hey isn't this easy

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town

I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down

You say you're fine

I know you better than that

Hey whatcha doing with a girl like that

She wears high heels

I wear sneakers

Shes cheer captain and

I'm on the bleachers

Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find

That what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along so why can't you see

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

all this time how could you not know

Baby....

You belong with me

You belong with me

Oh

I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night

I'm the one who makes you laugh

When you know you're about to cry

And i know your favorite songs

And you tell me about your dreams

Think I know where you belong

Think I know it's with me...

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you

Been here all along

So why can't you see

You belong with me

Standing by and waiting at your back door

All this time

How could you not know

Baby you belong with me

You belong with me

Have you ever thought just maybe you belong with me

You belong with me...